Toastmaster Milestone

Today marks the day I gave my first Toastmasters speech. They call it maiden speech.

Yes, finally. With my speech entitled, "I had a dream".

To be honest, I went through the whole ritual of procrastination, not preparing my speech until just the day before. Funnily enough, I did prepare a speech 3 days before but I didn't feel it appropriate or worthy for public ears. It wasn't until the day before that I was confirmed to give a speech on this very day.

Going through the writers' block that couldn't have come on a more timely period (don't they always) I resorted to find my inspiration piece in this very forlorn place, already lacking in audience and collectibles.

At first it was merely a cut and paste affair where I had to craft my speech around my used phrases, but thanks to a friend, we managed to make some sense out of it.

I had my expectations on myself, others had expectations on me, me being one who is not new to public speaking as I have been involved in church activities. The pressure was on.

I did my share of work, put it as much effort and the best that I can given the time frame I have subjected myself to.

Ultimately, what was done was done, I delivered my speech, although perhaps not in the fashion I fancied. Losing my train of thought having to recall my speech, that was something I needed improvement on.

Managing Expectations....

When at work, your boss expects more from you. Greater productivity, greater efficiency, greater responsibility.

When at home, your parents expects you to be alert and on standby mode for most times.

When out, your friends expects you to be entertaining, lively, joyous and (yes, I am bold to use this word in this century) gay.

So I am asking you, how can we ever please everyone?!

Let me just illustrate...

So your boss expects you to finish up your work, but since you have a pile of files to conquer...
You, being a productive, efficient and responsible employee, takes back your work home.

Thinking of how lucky the firm is to have you...
You bring back the work home only to find that the house is not in order and that your parents expect you to be on your tippy toes with your ears perked up constantly.

" Come this, go there, do this, don't dare" rhymes in your ear.

In between serving their demands and squeezing in some time to work (if you can concentrate, that is), you get a phone call from your friends.

After exchanging hellos and "how are you"s, they manage to coax you into going out...
By using the oldest tricks like commenting on how you don't have a life, how long it has been since the both of you caught up and much worse, 'the friend card' (*scary music playing in background*)

Just as you think you are doing both your friends' and yours (since you don't have a life apparently) a favour, your friends' comment on your zonked-out face and lax (or lack of) response.

In the end, all you get is a tired, frustrated, blacked-face you.

Since you...
didn't manage to finish your work - had to slog the next week too
disappointed your parents - they really counted on you
lost some friends (maybe) - they would never call you out again, party-pooper
hate everything about yourself - can never face yourself again

Now after all that, the moral of the story is...

It's all the fault of work!

So never sacrifice anything, everything for it...


Let everything be in proportion,
LiSs ^^

sO bLeSsEd...beyond words.

Thought of updating after what has been a long time, crucial events past.

So now work does not seem at all a pain, hurt comes in many other different ways too...
Just to keep it simple and direct, been through quite challenging times, times where it seems like the air is still and no one hears you...

Mom, we'll always be there for you no matter what and seeing you keep strong makes us even want to fight more...

But the tough gets us going still and to praise Him for all He has done.

Count it a blessing that so many care and even praying along worldwide. Just today, Pastor Irvin Rutherford came over just to share and to pray with us. Not to make a big deal out of it but how often do we get that honour? Just goes to show much Mom is loved.

Certainly it makes a whole lot of difference. Your prayers, encouragements, chores etc. mean a lot to us.
On behalf of my family, I can say this with great confidence, A BIG THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts.

LiSs
We love you...never give up on us.

I HAD a dream.

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home
for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves,
and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who
I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie.
I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey.
I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell.
I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest swing.

I had a dream.

(Song by Priscilla Ahn)

Was in the car with Shalom, Ivan and Haze when we discussed about our individual songs.
Songs that had our personalities in it. THE song with character. Ours.

This was mine...

I have to admit, it pretty much sums up the person that I am.

I am a dreamer.

Was once, am still, never lost it. You be the judge.
To point out, I do daydream sometimes.
Those times when I would gaze to the sky or stare out to the open field.
Or maybe at you. So it seems, when I'm actually looking past you and maybe, just maybe...boring a hole through you.

So what if I didn't remember most of my childhood. At least my vague memories were pleasant. Boring, as it may seem but what more can a little girl ask for?

A little girl with a simple mind, easily contented. Innocent but with a big heart.

I want to be THAT little girl again.
With no care in the world.
Nothing to hold me back.
Nothing I would regret.
Looking towards the promising future.
Keeping memories close to my heart so dear.
To fly on the highest swing.
And to dream of myself with a wing.

I am ready now...
LiSs

A dedication...

Got this idea from a certain friend.
And in accordance to my pursuit of writing less gloomy posts and more positive ones...

Cheers to us!
Us and all our friends from Monash, those who managed to graduate after 3 years of hard toiling.

To A & W (they are addressed as one now):
Forever! May we never ever need to pick sides!

To Andrew:
Celebrating his 'modesty' and our constant disagreements.

To Bryan:
As a source of entertainment for his 'hard labour' in the office. I know you're reading this...*wink*

To Laura:
Never losing her countless jokes and expressions!

To Mich:
To an ambitious, a high flyer and career woman. Success!

To Yin:
With her trademark. The infectious laugh.

To Zhen Han:
His new self. Of less lonely nights and more cheerful days to come!


As we part ways into different courses of our lives, may we never forget we've once walked on this path, the one where we are standing at different junctions facing across one another.
(dang, i broke the very reason for this post. a light and cheery one =p)

With love,
LiSs ^^

Believe...Just because.

What a better way to start the new year, than with a new post?
For the new year...(though technically the new year spirit has come but all gone)

I remember when I was in Form 1...In a new school, in a new environment, with new faces. (okay it wasn't entirely alien, but with my friends in other classes, I felt pretty...alone.)
Not the point. (though 'new' works. in this case)

Now back to the story. My English teacher, Mrs. Whatever-her-name-was was your typical stern-looking, no-nonsense teacher (at least that's what I can gather after all these years, who says only teachers can't remember their students name!).

P.S. she is that SJ teacher whom my friend and I get the worse from, with a cleanliness check every Monday, her taking the last period before assembly, the class being unreasonably dirty week after week, and us being on floor duty on Mondays. (urghh, those WERE the days i definitely would want to forget)

So on the first period of her class, we were given an assignment to do (already! i know!).

An essay entitled...My New Year Resolutions.

Of course by now, I do not recall at all any of the contents of my essay. Heck, it may all sound so cliche now that I've grown up (more like getting old) but then...then.

It seemed like almost an impossible task to do.
Or something passed off as easy.
Or something exciting or interesting.

The former being a practical teenager understanding that more than half of what would be written would not be accomplished by the end of the year anyway.
The latter being an ambitious teenager who has ideas just spinning off in her head waiting to be overturned out and who never stops dreaming.

Of the combination of the two, I was slighted more towards the picture of the former teenager.

Now as I glanced back at the past, I think to myself, "What have I actually done?"
And as I look forward to the future, "What can I do?"

Surely, I have become worse. Much more cynical bout life. A realist. No longer believing in the happily ever after. At least not for myself. Not now. But no, I can't bring myself to say,

"Not ever."

Just because I want to believe in the best in others. I want to believe there's a better place out there. I want to believe I can dream dreams. I want to believe in myself. I want to believe I too, can have a happy ever after. Just because.

Start it right. End it well.
LiSs ^^

Near death experiences...

Where my whole life flashed right across my eyes...

Or so, it would seem.

Cutting a corner too fast,
I almost rammed the edge.

Holding my breath for too long,
I nearly ran out of breath.

Almost falling into the drain, with my hands sprawled against the wall,
My first few lessons learning how to ride a bike.

Riding a roller coaster at lightning speed,
I almost fell off my seat.

ALMOST. Or so it would seem.

Nothing like a rush of adrenalin pumping in your blood,
Nothing like a feeling of pure exhilaration.
Chills running down your spine,
Shocks of electricity jolting you back to life.

Giving you a reason to live.
Reminding you of your existence.
The extra push you need to exert yourself.

When I go to heaven,
I want my life to count,
To meet God face to face,
Hearing the words...
"Well done, Melissa. You good and faithful servant!"

P.S. I've yet to learn how to ride a bike, properly.
LiSs ^^